How I got kicked out of the hospital

Oh, finally getting home after the hideous, almost two months long, overstay on a hospital bed, after some time, my brain started to work a little, and I realized that I totally forgot to tell the story, how about two weeks ago (already three, while I was finishing this post!) I was kicked out of the hospital I was in, and placed in another one till the end of my “sentence”! It was a shocking precedent for me, really! Why do they do it?


At that time my Doctor at the “Hospital K” and I were discussing my possibilities of going home as comfortable as possible. Still, I was in much pain and it didn’t look like it’ll be safe for me at the moment, but we were getting there step by step. I knew they wanted to send me home as fast as possible… And I even applied for the Home Care services so there will be some help for me at home, at least at the beginning, if I were not completely able to take care of myself. And yet!

It was an exceptionally ill-suited moment, Continue reading

Feeling yourself at home

This weekend I’m officially the first time at home! I can’t believe it! It’s been more than ONE AND A HALF month in a hospital – it’s my personal record at the moment. Not that I would like to continue, though >:)

1106ff0d-e2b2-48da-af93-9445cf6fba2d4787757011484126795.jpgIt’s a trial run to see if we can manage without the whole team of nurses around, potent intravenous painkillers and to see if my cat still loves… or at least recognize me! =^^=

It was going perfect, I was finally able to cuddle with the cat, and I and my husband performed a hilarious but very productive session of skype grocery shopping. (I stayed at home and he showed me around so I could choose what would I like). And then we had an amazing dinner cooked by him, totally without my interference! – seared fillet of cod with bacon and sundried tomatoes with green beans on the side – YUMMY! And, of course, movie, and it was such a “hygge” moment, I was really cozy, happy and at home.

BUT somehow I felt a little bit as a guest. Not totally and fully home. I was dumbstruck. I didn’t want to feel this way. I told my husband about me feeling like a visitor and he got upset. But it wasn’t something he did, it was a perfect welcome home evening! And it wasn’t that I became unaccustomed to the place itself, I still felt and remembered every nook and cranny of the place. And still felt like a GUEST!

Well, it’s true that I haven’t been there for a while, and I also suspect, that since I can not do a lot of stuff around the house now and for that reason I do sound like a guest in some ways “May I have a cup of tea, please?”, “Can we/I go there?”, “Is it possible for me to have this?”, “Could you please pass me that?”

Does it make any sense? Anyway, I did feel better after I slept over in my own bed ūüôā And then a little bit more next day on the couch =^^=

Finally, it kind of makes you think of what creates a home?


It was past November 2018, the 9th. I felt completely shuttered and sad over the Food and Wine Conference, which were held again here in Stockholm. First of all, I wanted to go. The second, I wanted to go as a Food photographer, and it also would mean to give out cards, show my beautiful works and talk about my studio, and I would have been professional and confident, and land some new clients there.

All of these I had been planning previously a year before (2017). I had been planning that on the same Conference when I had just started the process to register myself as an entrepreneur and came just to check it out, being too shy to present myself to anybody at all %) Even though, I believe, I already had had quite nice examples of work ūüėČ

And at that time, I didn’t even have any strength to go, and I hadn’t had enough power to pick up the camera for months and months at that point…¬†

And just now I see, at least, I was at home, though already sick, but yet not in the hospital bed, lacking a couple of scars, that I acquired after. And who knows, maybe it all came to be as it supposed to be.

But One November, anyway, I’ll do it. I’ll come to the conference as a Food photographer. And I will be even better in what I do and how I feel and present myself to my future customers!

How It All Started – III

It was quite difficult to be ‚Äúme‚ÄĚ recently, but I’m¬†trying¬†to continue¬†writing¬†in¬†the moments I feel able to express myself better.

Anyway, I need to continue and finish as soon and possible this story of my diagnosis, and here you can find previous Parts 1 and 2.

So, there was I in¬†the¬†StG¬†hospital¬†in the center of Stockholm. To tell the truth, I¬†had¬†never seen such a big medical institution before (Little did I know at that time about the¬†new¬†hospital which had just been built in Stockholm!). It took some time before my husband and I found the registration,¬†even with all the¬†helpful¬†infographics. There I gave a letter from my doctor from¬†Vardcentral¬†and¬†I was allowed¬†into the waiting area. As appeared, despite me having an appointment from the¬†other¬†doctor, I had to wait in an emergency area for a couple of hours. My husband had to go at this point. By that time, I¬†already had troubles¬†breathing again, and what’s worse! – my mobile was running out of battery! )))))

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In life, days started to break down into good days and bad days…

Good ones are those when I feel almost like a normal human being, in spite of everything (e.g. that I haven’t been outside for more than a month). It’s hard to explain, probably, but I feel like I can function, and be myself.

Bad ones are when there is “Friends” (which I saw like 1 million times) chatting on the background to keep me company, and I can’t think straight most of the time and I struggle to find somewhere deep inside me the reason for the good mood, positivity, and of course for me and my life.

Titanium spine and 50 shades of pain

After the recent operation, I’ve become a Wolverine! Now I have titanium supports around my spinal column: feel yourself a superhero for a change ūüėČ But as in the movie no change comes for free, it comes with the huge package of pain…

I almost do not remember the first day after the surgery, but neither do I remember a pain too. I was sleeping most of the time and I just assume that the sheer amount of the painkillers, epidural and the rest of the anesthesia was enough to spare me from all those suffering for at least a day.

The next night Continue reading

How it all started – II

So, after the long and unsuccessful fighting with “a cough”, and even more unsuccessful visit to the doctor, which I told about in Part 1, I finally went to see the doctor for the second time.

To my surprise, it went much better and my illness was taken seriously this time. Maybe because the wheezing sounds in my chest became unmistakably audible, or the fact that I finally get a fever once, but the doctor saw that I have problems breathing, and checked the volume of my lungs by making me exhale as strongly as I can in a special tube, which even with all my force appeared to be too small for the grown women, though the saturation of oxygen in my body was quite well. As a next step, he sent me to some inhalation procedure, that helped to open the bronchi and ease the breathing. The inhalation actually made it much easier for me to breathe, but the lung volume didn’t increase too much afterward. So I got some prescriptions for respiratory anti-inflammatory medicine, or something like that and went back.

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