Looking into the mirror

Since I’ve got the diagnosis and started the treatments my appearance has changed drastically… When I pass the mirror, I can not recognize myself, to tell you the truth, and when I finally do – I get upset. I do not look like any of my pictures, and I do not think that authorities will recognize me on the documents if needed.

psfix_20190412_2103225227825809639268872.jpegIn the very beginning, before my first visit to the doctor, (Oh, so long time ago!) I lost a kilo or a bit more and were very satisfied! I liked how I look. But then, with the treatments or something, my face started to look a little bit swollen. After a few months, swollenness became so ugly, that I looked like I was drinking badly for months and months, and you have just woken me up.

Did you get the picture?

Even when I got back to Hospital K after being at home for some time, some nurses asked me – “You didn’t look like this before, right, not that swollen??”

No, I did not.

A bit later, when, the liquids (I assume) redistributed themselves, my face started to look a little bit more normal, less sick swollen, and more just fat, I think. So now I’ve got two huge chicks, second chin and everything that supposed to come with this in between. While the forehead started to look small and lips are just almost non-existent.

Continue reading

Radiotherapy nr 2 – bummed out

So, here it camelong-awaitedthe one, that knocks me out and bums me out. 

Early (well, early in my understanding of this word) in the morning I woke up with one feeling over the whole back. Pain. It consumes and makes your head totally empty for the moment. Then, thankfully, my husband, who reacts faster than me, got up to get my pills, helped me. 

For at least a couple of hours, I stayed in bed. For many more, I felt exhausted. 

 

Radiotherapy nr 2 – week 1

So, last Saturday I went through the second session of radiotherapy. It went quite well, as you may remember, and I just had some pains at night, but a small dose of painkillers helped.

psfix_20190313_0115476818639906821201819.jpegBut the real problem with radiotherapy, which I found out in my own experience, is that it’s fine the next day, and then it’s getting worse, worse and worse into the second week. Really, really bad in my case. For the last week I have experienced different variations of pain, such as light day pains, when they are hardly noticeable (especially if your mind is occupied by something); ghostly light night pains, when they are not waking you up but make your sleep slightly uncomfortable so, that it takes a lot of time to recognize it, wake up and, finally, consciously do something about it.

Continue reading

Medically busy day

Another day, that’s good, right? This one was expected to be more medically charged.  

Saturday I was going to the radiotherapy in the morning. I find it strange that such procedures are scheduled on weekends, but who am I to judge. It was also pretty early in the morning and probably after the active day before (and, I swear, quite an early bedtime) I had an incredibly hard time to wake up. It’s good that thanks to my man, the only things I had to do were to eat my porridge and get dressed. I found myself awake in the car only. No wonder, since every get-away from home for me now is like a school trip for a kid 😂😂😂 psfix_20190305_2352593451561770566914347.jpeg

This would be the second radiation treatment for meI hope to tell you about the first one in the “remembrance” part of my blog. But I could tell you now, that it didn’t go well and made the pain so much worse, that I ended up in bed for weeks. So, this time everyone, myself included, was really worried about how my body would react.

A nurse met us and explained again that it could be worse after the treatment, for a few weeks, but it would be better in the end. The procedure went uneventful, and so, the first test of my well-being would be whether I could sit and stand up from the bench of the apparatus itself.  The test, which I happily passed! We got home without any troubles too, except that I felt dizzy and threw up a bit, but again, it seemed to be a normal reaction for me. It was a good start though, but just the same I was waiting for something to happen for the rest of the day and moved around like I was made of glass… Continue reading